The bully inside – Amy’s story

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Just before my 13th birthday, a bully appeared in my head, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I listened to him he wouldn’t leave. Another bully then started talking until my brain was constantly filled with voices and talking day and night. I was scared and didn’t know what to do and I was alone. I wanted to live but not like this.

This continued for several more months until in 2018 their commands got too much, a command that nearly cost me my life but he never left. After seeing a crisis team I was still ignored given six weeks of ‘therapy’ and then was discharged.

As the voices worsened shadows began to haunt my every step, spiders crawled my skin, smoke filled my lungs, cameras watched me, but no one believed me, “your minds just playing tricks on you again, Amy.”  I wanted people to believe me and listen to me because this was real. But instead I went through a journey of being ignored by professionals because I was too young or was told I was too intelligent
to have a mental illness. This continued and continued and continued, the same demons didn’t stop.

Between 2018 and 2019 I saw various psychiatrists and medics who couldn’t/didn’t want to help me and I was left alone battling with no support. It was terrifying facing something very scary alone with no support and with no answers.

As this continued my behaviour began to deteriorate, dangerous delusions (that’s what I’ve been told) getting me into dangerous situations, getting into trouble in school and with the police. No one was listening, but this shows the true state of mental health services in many parts of the world especially in the UK.

After various events and police intervention, I’m now awaiting a psychiatrist to assess me for a mood based psychotic disorder before I can get any help. Nearly three years down the line I’m still living the same hell, with no answers and no help. Hopefully this psychiatrist will give me some answers but I don’t hold much hope.

“You’re a warrior, warriors don’t give up and they don’t back down”

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