One of the primary things I have struggled with during my most recent transition (as read in last week’s post,) is my relationship with food. I never had an issue with food or obsessing over quantity. My sister and I grew up naturally thin. In high school, I was underweight. There were times when my anxiety and depression were so severe I had trouble eating or couldn’t eat without it going right through me. At one point I was as small as 92 pounds. I was always teased for being so skinny.
actual diary entries
Then at 19, I suddenly got the figure of a woman. Weight began to increase. At 23, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and prescribed anti-depressants. I craved sweets more than anything in the world. I could eat a pint of ice cream for dinner. Breakfast would consist of a candy bar and a soda. I gained 25 pounds, putting myself forty pounds overweight with my small 5’4 frame. At my heaviest, I weighed 165. I was incredibly unhappy with myself. I began experiencing daily stomach cramps. Cramps so intense, I could not focus for the remainder of the working day. I had tried numerous times to lose weight by trying different diets and working out consistently. After researching gluten and the effects it has on the body, I decided to remove it from my diet. In the first month, I dropped ten pounds. Now remember, I did not start a gluten free diet as a way to possibly lose weight. I was just seeking relief. Over two years of living wheat free, my father’s death, and a painful break up, I found me at a healthy and happy 125. Stress eating hit again as I struggled to make ends meet over the last seven months. Relying on just $90 of food stamps, and what groceries my mother could afford, I began gaining weight again. I was sleeping more and being less active. I have gained ten pounds over three months. Boredom leads me to eating. Recently, I found myself consuming a box of eight regular sized glazed donuts in just twelve hours. I am growing uncomfortable in my once comfortable jeans. So today being the day I receive new food money, I chose to buy as healthy as possible while stocking up on fixings for salad and fruit to snack on; cottage cheese with blueberries for a healthier breakfast treat. Ice cream because its summer okay?? 😉
I’ve chosen to limit myself of wheat products and eat as close to clean as possible. Fiber is quickly filling and prevents you from over eating. I am on a current journey to lose a few pounds and feel healthy and fit again and on a whole other trip to learn how to control my emotional need to reach for the cookies.
Can you relate? Are you an emotional eater of sort? Are you tired of being a part of the stigma involved with the use of food stamps? There are the widely assertive assumptions that those on food stamps and welfare don’t have jobs and rely on the government for assistance. I never thought I’d need them but they have seriously helped keep me from starving and I have a job. Healthy and nutritious foods can be purchased using them despite thought otherwise.
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One thought on “Its just eat-motions takin’ me over.”
I love you my beautiful sister. That’s all.😀