*TRIGGER WARNING (this post contains the subject of suicide.)
I was so close to the edge on March 7th, 2017. I was ready to be over it all (I was suicidal), but I told my mom what was going on in my mind and she told me she would get me help the next day. I hadn’t eaten or slept in 24 hrs at that point. By the next morning, after 48 hours of no sleep or food, my anxiety was past its highest point and my mind was losing its self. At 7:45am I decided I needed immediate help and told my mom who was on the couch that I would be walking over to the Lakeside sheriffs department substation. So in 5 minutes, my mom was dressed and ready to go with me so I could ask for the right help I needed. After pressing the button and getting the operator to listen to me ask for help, she told us to wait for the officers that would arrive in 20 minutes. Once they arrived, I had an amazing Deputy that took me aside and questioned me and the lady deputies talked to my mom and consoled her letting her know I’m in perfect hands. I was pat down and my deputy told me I was supposed to be in cuffs but because of mind state and the fact that I was voluntary that he wouldn’t cuff me. He helped me into the back seat and told me “everything is going to OK!”. No words were exchanged in the car ride until we got to Grossmont Hospital, where he walked me to the ER and talked to triage nurses and explained to them the predicament I was in. They immediately did my vitals and checked me in and also did my blood draw. Then a nurse and my deputy walked me to ER-3 and got me in a bed wear my lovely deputy ( I can’t for the life of me remember his name😭) stayed with me until he knew I was safe and taken care of. He did come to where I was in the ER later that night to check on me. I had an amazing social worker and psych liaison while in the ER. At 2am I was awoken by my nurse telling me I was being moved to the locked down unit of the Behavioral Health Unit. I was transferred in a wheelchair since it was freezing and I was barely awake. I got there and I was met by my new nurse who took my picture and filled out my paper work and kept me calm. I was then given my Ativan and Ambien so I could sleep attack free. The next morning I met everyone there and my morning nurse. I got to meet my incredible psychiatrist Dr. Otis who then told me he was going to increase my meds that I was already on and add a new anxiety med to the mix (3xs a day). He asked everything about me including how my moods were and with my answers he was able to diagnose me with depression and bipolar II disorder. I finally had answers. I know I had anxiety but not what else. With the new diagnosis he also added another med from the old school Lithium (3xs a day) . I was in the locked unit for 2 days before I got transferred to ITP2 (intensive treatment program) the best place on earth (I was here for 5 days). Here I was able to do group therapy and do activities with other patients whom I made friends with. I got the best care and my amazing nurses made everything better. I was released on March 15th, 2017. FREEDOM! I have been home for 2 1/2 months, now feeling better than ever and seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist every other week. The meds have changed my life for the better. I will never forget the experience I had and the amazing people who took care of me and made me feel safe. So thank you to my family for being there through it all. My mom and sister who came to visit me almost every day. The Lakeside sheriffs subdivision for taking my mental illnesses seriously and getting me help. Sharp Grossmont Hospital for listening and helping me find myself and showing me that life does get better. These 3 groups of people are my lifelines, my angels THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY I LOVE YOU ALL!
lyrics by Mumford and Sons
“Awake My Soul”